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After the dinner party where Shaw demonstrated ‘ghoti’ spells ‘fish,’ a rival linguist decided to outdo him.
“You think that’s bad?” he said. “I can spell ‘ghoti’ so that it makes no sound at all.”
“Impossible,” said Shaw.
“GH as in ‘night’ — silent. O as in ‘people’ — silent. T as in ‘castle’ — silent. I as in ‘business’ — silent.”
Shaw was quiet for a moment. Then he laughed. “So the word I invented to mock English spelling, spelled with a different set of exceptions, is itself completely silent?”
“Correct.”
“That means I can write ‘ghoti’ and it simultaneously spells ‘fish’ and spells nothing.”
“English,” said the rival, “is the only language where a word can be two opposite things at once depending entirely on which set of arbitrary exceptions you choose to apply.”
Shaw raised his glass. “To English. The language where even a joke about spelling is itself spelled wrong.”
They drank. The napkin was framed. And somewhere, a roomful of ESL students felt a disturbance in the force.
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