The Trial of I Before E

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    zhonglish
    Keymaster

    The rule “I before E except after C” was brought before a linguistic tribunal, charged with fraud.

    Prosecutor called the first witness: a word. “Please state your name.”

    “Weird.”

    “And how do you spell yourself?”

    “W-E-I-R-D.”

    “Does this follow the rule?”

    “No. There is no C. And the E comes before the I.”

    Prosecutor called the next witness. “Name?”

    “Seize.”

    “Spelling?”

    “S-E-I-Z-E. E before I. No C involved.”

    “Next witness.”

    “Neighbor.”

    “N-E-I-G-H-B-O-R. E before I. No C.”

    “Next.”

    “Science.”

    “S-C-I-E-N-C-E. After a C, so the rule says I before E — but I and E are not even next to each other. The C is followed by I, then E. The rule does not cover this. I do not know what I am.”

    A statistician took the stand. “I analyzed 350,000 English words. The rule is wrong more often than it is right.”

    “How much more often?”

    “By a factor of about 21 to 1.”

    The judge banged the gavel. “The rule is struck down. It is, by this, declared a mnemonic that mnemonics nothing.”

    Every English teacher in the world felt a disturbance. But they kept teaching it anyway. What else were they supposed to do?

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