[willpets]

Procure means get. Always has. ‘Procurement department’ sounds important. ‘Getting-stuff department’ sounds like a dad with a truck.

But the dad with a truck is more efficient. Vote Yes.

[willpets]

‘All in favor say aye, all opposed say nay.’ — the only room in the building where ‘nay’ still has a job. Everywhere else: no.

Retire it to parliamentary procedure and lock the door.

[willpets]

Alas is 90% irony and 10% Shakespeare homework. Nobody earnestly says ‘alas’ when something sad happens. They say ‘well, shit.’

Retire.

[willpets]

E’er, ne’er, o’er — these aren’t words, they’re metrical cheats for poets who couldn’t make the line scan. Poetry doesn’t need special spellings to work.

Ever. Never. Over. Done.

[willpets]

Lo and behold — the fossil expression. Nobody says ‘lo’ by itself. Nobody would miss it if it vanished.

Actually, nobody would notice.

[willpets]

Hark only exists because ‘Hark! The herald angels sing’ has a good melody. You can’t retire it from the carol, but you can retire it from everything else.

Listen. Just say listen.

[willpets]

Yonder is a word for a direction nobody needs a special word for. ‘Over there’ has three more letters but zero more confusion.

Wild blue yonder: good song lyric, bad word.

[Author]

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