Fast: The Word That Means Both Quick and Stuck

A new immigrant to England was reading safety instructions on his first flight. The card said: FASTEN SEATBELT.

He called the flight attendant. “Excuse me. Does ‘fasten’ mean to do it quickly, or does it mean the seatbelt is stuck?”

The attendant paused. “It means to secure it.”

“But ‘fast’ means quick. Unless it means stuck. Which one is it here?”

“It’s neither. It’s a verb. From Old Norse ‘fasta.’ Different root.”

“So ‘fast’ can mean moving at high speed, or unable to move at all, or it can be part of a verb about securing something, and these three meanings come from different languages and have nothing to do with each other.”

“Yes.”

“And I’m supposed to deduce which one applies from context.”

“Yes.”

“On a safety instruction card.”

The attendant looked at the card, then at the passenger. “Sir, I’ve been doing this job for twelve years and you are the first person who’s ever pointed this out. I’m now going to spend the rest of my career thinking about it every time I give the safety briefing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said. “You’ve just ruined English for me. I think that’s a gift.”