The Restaurant Where the Menu Is in English

Two tourists walked into a restaurant in Paris. The waiter handed them menus.

“This is in English,” said the first tourist. “But I don’t understand it.”

The second tourist looked. The menu read:

STARTERS
Garden-Fresh Heirloom Tomato Bisque with Artisanal Croutons
Seared Ahi Tuna with Wasabi Aioli and Microgreens

MAINS
Pan-Seared Duck Breast with Foraged Mushroom Ragout
Herb-Crusted Rack of Lamb with Pommes Anna

“I think a bisque is a soup,” said the first tourist. “But I don’t know what an heirloom tomato is. Or why the tuna is ahi. Or what microgreens are.”

“It’s all English words,” said the second. “But it’s not… English.”

They called the waiter. “What’s in the duck dish?”

“Duck, sir.”

“And what is ‘foraged mushroom ragout’?”

“Mushroom stew, sir.”

“And ‘pommes Anna’?”

“Sliced potatoes, sir. With butter.”

The first tourist put down the menu. “So the duck is duck, the mushrooms are mushrooms, and the potatoes are potatoes. But the menu — written in English — makes it impossible for an English speaker to know that.”

The waiter nodded sympathetically. “English, sir. It is a language designed by people who did not want you to know what you were ordering.”